The Isaac Brock Society broke the news of Santa’s arrest on Christmas Eve, 2011.
See also: Nicolas Santa still in federal custody (May 12, 2012). Isaac Brock will provide a follow up and press release from Santa presently.
U.S. Federal agents arrested Santa Claus earlier today at the North Pole. Special Christmas Edition (Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!)
The United States Department of Fish and Wildlife has arrested Santa Claus, an elusive figure with many aliases (e.g., St. Nicholas). On the morning of 24 December, 150 heavily armed Fish and Wildlife special agents raided Claus’ North Pole compound, seized several tons of exotic woods forbidden by the Lacey Act, arrested Santa Claus and a female accomplice identified only as Mrs. Claus, and liberated thousands of diminutive slave labourers known only as “Elves”. Claus has been charged with multiple counts of money laundering, illegal exportation of currency, illegally importing into the United States toys made of contraband–rare woods, ivory and other banned substances. He has also been charged with violations of slave labor and child labor laws, hundreds of patent and trademark violations, and illegally entering and exiting the United States. Indeed, Fish and Wildlife agents also seized an unidentified aircraft called a “sleigh” which had numerous secret compartments holding the contraband. Fish and Wildlife agents charged Mr. Claus with animal cruelty with regard to the caribou that he used to launch this “sleigh”.
Special Agent Hugo Smith said, “We arrived just in the nick of time. A moment later, and the caribou would have launched the sleigh and Claus would have escaped with the illegal materials. By now, he would be in the United States, breaking into people’s houses and selling this stuff.”
The United States Department of Immigration and the Internal Revenue Service have also had their eyes on Mr. Claus. An immigration official who also attended the raid said that they were able to obtain several dozen passports. He said, “It seems that this Santa Claus character has a different name in every country–his EU passport says, ‘Father Christmas’ and his Canadian passport says, ‘Père Noël’. We have, however, determined with certainty that Santa Claus is a United States citizen.” Apparently Claus worked in Hollywood during the 1940s and 50s making autobiographical films, such as Miracle on 34th Street. During that time he applied for and received U.S. citizenship.
Douglas Shulman, Commissioner of the IRS, has released the following statement:
At long last, the notorious tax cheat, Santa Claus, has been apprehended. He has been living in a foreign country for the last 50 years and during that time he has not filed his US taxes even once. It has become clear, however, that he has run a lucrative business at the North Pole and has never reported any of the income. In addition to criminal tax evasion, we intend to charge Santa Claus with 190 counts of criminal failure to file Foreign Bank Account Reports (FBAR), as we found evidence in his papers that he is operating or has signing authority on bank accounts in 190 different countries. It is our contention that the fines alone could help us bring billions in revenue into the United States government.
According to United States law, all United States Citizens are required to pay taxes to the IRS and to report any foreign bank accounts. Failure to obey these filing requirements may result in civil and criminal penalties including imprisonment.
The Obama administration declared that they were very pleased with the news. “It is about time,” Obama said from his Hawaian retreat, “that the United States returned those who have fled the country just because they don’t feel like paying their fair share anymore.”
The Republican candidate for president, Ron Paul criticized the raid, “The United States has neither the authority nor the right to go into another country and enforce its laws. Santa Claus is a citizen of the North Pole and it is overreach for us to go there and arrest him.” Also running for president, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich responded to Paul, “The United States must reserve the right to arrest terrorists and to violate the rule of law in order to provide safety for the People of the United States.” Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada said that his government did everything that they could to help the United States, even to the point of allowing the use of Canadian air space. “We are cooperating with the good faith efforts of the United States to eliminate terrorists in order to maintain the safety and security of all Canadians.”
Thanks for this year’s follow-up/bringing it forward, Petros! Love it.
As provided by The Animal:
and, as USCitizenAbroad asks Dash:
and as Shadow Raider trys to enlighten Dash and all the homelanders with:
If you don’t believe me, read this, from the US government itself: “Breaking into the U.S. market can be a rewarding venture for many foreign businesses. Because U.S. citizenship and residency are not required, foreign nationals are able to start or expand on U.S. soil without experiencing much more red-tape than an American-born business owner would.” http://www.sba.gov/community/blogs/community-blogs/business-law-advisor/starting-business-us-foreign-national
Perhaps the US homelanders, including Dash, could watch and listen to as Em and Just Me and Me:
Implementation of Global Surveillance asks: Should homelanders ever leave the US and, if so, is the right to privacy no longer a right for ‘US Persons Abroad’?
I join with Em in:
and feel the same as monalisa this Christmas Eve:
I wish that all so-called US Persons, inside or outside the USA, could really choose:
@ to All
Have a wonderful holiday. I am thankful to be on IBS with you all.
Update – new mug shot released following Santa’s arrest:
@The Wonderful Brockers****HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
ALL THE BEST FOR US ALL IN THE NEW YEAR!!
Getting fat & bored already? There is still a week left to go in the holiday!!!
Update your resume for the new year with your newly acquired status!
My husband and I are not doing Christmas this year (a first for us) but I hope everyone else is finding some inner peace and joy, taking comfort from their family and from their true friends. I also hope that Brockers and Sand Boxers are recharging their batteries in order to better tackle whatever awaits us in 2014. I think we’re all going to need a great deal of energy in the New Year.
At midnight on this Christmas Eve, my husband and I will light candles and remember all of our family and friends who have passed away over the years (received word today of a dear friend and former neighbour’s recent passing). On my computer’s desk top, I keep a copy of a beautiful photo of Wally Dunn which appeared online when he went missing and I want you to know, Petros, that I will be thinking about you and your family tonight because the first Christmas without a dear one is a particularly difficult one. This is also the sad situation for the life partner of Ozteddies and his other family and friends. Peace to all!
I too want to wish everyone here and at Maple a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! But I agree that 2014 could turn out to be a very difficult year for many US persons abroad…it wouldn’t at all surprise me if there is an even greater surge in renunciations and for waiting times to greatly increase once again as more and more rush for the exit, plus I wouldn’t be surprised if new legislation is eventually passed to make expatriating harder.
The most important thing is, in spite of our differences, that we all try to seek out the humanity in each other, which is what the Christmas season is about! 🙂 I also will always be grateful for all the kind support and empathy I’ve received here! :D.
I hope Saddened will have received her CLN by this time next year too and that Bubblebustin will be closer to having her mess resolved.
I am grateful to have had the opportunity to dialogue with so many wise, moral, and compassionate people who really get just how awful FATCA and CBT truly are.
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!
What Would Happen If We Really Went to War Against Christmas?
We’d probably lose.
and for those having a Christmas dinner with special dietary needs, this for your amusement.
That is a special thing you will be doing at midnight tonight, Em and Mr. Em.
Petros, Em, Ozteddies’ family and friends. I hope you are able to cherish some peaceful memories of your loved ones so soon gone. Take care one and all.
A Christmas message from Edward Snowden:
Have a Great One!!! Let’s hope Santa brings the right toys for next year!!!!
@Em, thanks for remembering us while lighting candles. Sorry also to hear about the passing of one of your friends.
@Petros, I also was thinking of your sad loss and hope Christmas hasn’t been too depressing for you…
Merry Christmas everybody!! You all are an inspiration to human rights around the world. My family and I are so thankful we found you and will continue to be a part of IBS and also help and support each other throughout the new year. 2014 will be a difficult year for the Canadian government as the US will face increasing numbers of it’s own ” US persons” becoming a part of the country they love, which is not the US anymore. I pledge to fight fatca any and all ways I can to protect the innocent. We are just getting started. Thanks everyone and enjoy the holidays. See you all soon!!! Mike.
@em The link you posted above to E Snowden Christmas message is blocked due to copyright.
Here is one from Switzerland: http://www.rts.ch/info/monde/5484608-les-voeux-de-noel-d-edward-snowden-diffuses-a-la-television.html
@ Jeff D Tom
Thanks. It ran fine when I posted it but youtube copyright thingies sure do pop up more and more often theses days.