Liberty and justice for all United States persons abroad

The Isaac Brock Society

Posted on by Posted in Issues regarding US persons abroad 34 Comments

 

@USCitizenAbroad posted this comment on Brock but I am giving the comment its own thread so that it is not lost.

Even though Canadians rounded up and turned over by FATCA to the IRS are advised NOT to go to these people for help, for example, on whether they should or should not comply with laws of of a foreign government, or whether they are in fact a U.S. person, some will go stampeding to “Form People” for that first pass advice.

Form People (also known as “compliance condors” or “compliance vultures”) are mostly honest and hardworking, but they live in a special world — a world in which forms are sacred.

@USCitizenAbroad says this about Form People:

“Tricia and Stephen,

You are absolutely right when you say that “Wonderful World of Forms, Threats and Penalties” is completely normal from the perspective of the Compliance Condor. In fact, for most of them, the completion of forms is the fundamental obligation of citizenship (or at least U.S. citizenship).

Furthermore, very few of them see the system of taxes, forms as penalties as being immoral. They just see it as normal.

One could say that the Compliance Condors work “within the system”. But, the truth is that the Compliance Condors “Are The System”.

They make it work. They shape the law. They shape the expectation of the law. Once one Condor begins filing a specific form (example 3520 for the TFSA) the other Condors are sure to follow.

Because Condors are “Inside The Form” looking only at the Form, they can’t imagine what it means to be “Outside The Form” looking in. They can’t see the immorality, the injustice, the waste of human resource and the dehumanizing of the individual. In fact the Compliance Condors “aid and abet” each of these things – they take pride in doing it.

But, there’s much more.

In the “Form Industry” there is a hierarchy of forms. Those who are most experienced assist with the most complex forms.

Imagine the day in the life of a Compliance Condor when he/she reaches the point where he is assigned a 5471 [anyone out there own a Canadian (i.e. “foreign”) corporation?] or an 8621 [how about a single share of a passive investment company?].

After all, those who are most junior would start with an FBAR or perhaps a schedule B. The value of a Compliance Condor is a function of the forms to which he is entrusted. His sense of “self worth” is defined by the form that he is assigned.

A Compliance Condor would start the day by looking the mirror and saying:

“In forms we trust”.

The most dedicated Condors dream of Forms.

But, they do more than dream about Forms. Because their identity is a function of their forms, many of them go further than dreaming about forms. Those who are most dedicated actually dream about being specific line numbers on different forms . In social settings they confide about their dreams to other Condors.

In the industry, these are known as “Form Dreams” .

So, yes when the Compliance Condors write about FATCA, FBAR and other sacred instruments of confiscation, they are being sincere. They believe are being helpful.

They are NOT being dishonest And above all else, they are simply writing about the world they way they see it and the way they experience it.

And that Dr. Reader is exactly the problem!

P.S. Avoid “Form Crime” – The Compliance Condors will love you!”

— THIS SAINTLY MAN, revered by all FORM PEOPLE (and by the happily IRS compliant worldwide), is the CREATOR of the FORMS: 

IRS Commissioner Koskinen Testifies on Missing Emails

 

34 thoughts on “Form People”

  1. During my trip through the OVDP process I realized something about my tax practitioner. Well all tax practitioners actually. They need to get you compliant at lowest overall cost and risk. Unless you have millions in those offshore accounts the only way to proceed is to take the defaults and pay up. Take the OVDP and pay up. Any attempt to lower your tax bill will cost you more in tax practitioner time that you will likely save. You can’t ask questions because this costs you money. You can’t explore other options (modified mark to market or sec 1291) because it costs more to do the experiment than you can get back in reduced taxes.
    You can’t blame them for this. It’s just the economics of the situation.
    My biggest mistake was not knowing my tax liability before we spoke to the IRS. I should have understood sec 1291 before I ever spoke to a pro. I could have had my ‘get out of AMT free card’ in my back pocket still.
    Once your in the system your trapped. The rules keep changing and you are dead. I didn’t get out of this until I decided I had to understand it all and take control.

  2. Good point. The complexity of the forms, coupled with the high stakes for severe penalties, means that the people who deal with all this complexity expect to be paid well. We can’t blame them for having this expectation.

    They certainly don’t earn good money by questioning the system. And, to be fair, It is not their job to change the law.

    The politicians (American and Canadian and elsewhere) who allow non-homeland “US persons” to be unfairly burdened . . . these are the ones who cannot be trusted.

  4. This post is for FUN guys!

    The advanced Condors, (those who dream about being specific line numbers on the forms) morph as they walk along those lines and they are led to the Hall of Penalties. This is a vast region where the calculations of the largest and most complicated penalties are encased in frames of gold and jewels, shining for time immemorial. The signature and picture of the IRS examiner designing each unique, model calculation, have been embedded at the top of the Template, so that their contribution will be attributed to their particular genius. Each Hall is presided over by a Guardian Spirit, (one of the many previous Commissioners who excelled at the implementation of regulations having the greatest punitive impact). Of course, the Supreme Spirit of the entire region of the Hall of Penalties, is the exalted H.H.Douglas Shulman, unanimously elected by all the Guardian Spirits to be the most malicious and loathsome of them all. They sing praise to his malevolence and persecution of that most hated of creatures, Tax-Cheats by Birth. At dawn and dusk, all bow to him and chant their vow to always honor Form Crime, the doctrine that both guides and keeps their universe intact.

    The next Sphere contains the long lost emails of the enchantress, Lois Lerner……….

  5. After careful thought It would be best for them use these forms in case they run out of toilet paper. Maybe that would start a process of weaning those condors dependent on forms for survival. And for the environmentally conscious ones, they don’t have to flush. Just post to treasury secretary Lew or IRS Commisioner Koskinen
    to share the joy of a form-free existence.

  6. Forms themselves have actually evolved to the point where they can formicate to produce their own forms, which most often occurs when trying to correct the inadequacies and damage caused by their parents and ancestors. In deference to their ancestors and to justify their own existence, forms must always make reference their ancestors, which consumes a lot of time, energy, and billable hours for form people.

    Forms rarely expire and one can pay homage to their inefficiencies at the Form Nation Museum, located between the Hall of Penalties and the Department of Redundancy Department.

  7. bubblebustin & Neill
    I’d joke that you were in fine form, but the first half of that might be a bit close to the bone.

  9. When forms formicate and produce baby forms , do they get fed form-ula?
    I asked my accountant if there was any way to reduce the number of forms we had to fill out and he said to do that , fill out this form.
    I’m done. I thought I had more but I’m form-ally out of ideas.
    (that was a real groaner)

  10. @ Bubblebustin and diharv
    LOL — thanks! What we need is a massive reform bill to stop this obscene amount of formication.

  11. It’s all a racket. These accountants don’t want the tax laws reformed because they make a good living off the complexity. This is the problem with the system there: that Congress is lobbied to keep the compliance and US finance industry looked after. The PFIC laws were passed via lobbying to discourage investment in non-US based mutual funds.

    I feel betrayed by the whole system and embittered. The US is set up so you often get entangled in legal problems, hence the huge numbers of lawyers there…

  12. Lol. Picture this, a post-formpocalypse world with compliance industry zombies chasing you with pens and tattered forms to sign.

  13. @Bubblebustin, I recall my accountant considering the act of compliance and complex form filling as an expression of Zen, or almost an art form, *lol*

  15. I suppose that a highly efficient system of genocide might be considered an art form to those doing the executing too.

  16. You folks are overlooking 1/2 of the people responsible for Form Hell.

    Yes, there are those whose main goal in life is to create ever more complex and encompassing FORMS.

    But don’t ignore their partners in this crime. The group of people who are dedicated to creating the most illogical, undecipherable, mind boggling maze of word crafting ever devised. Yes, it’s those who write the INSTRUCTIONS for completing the forms.

  22. Gradually what is now American English will evolve into “FormGlish’. It will be bad form to communicate with anything except forms.

    But, ain’t that America …

  23. IRS employees who made “unintentional” mistakes on their taxes are still eligible to get bonuses this fiscal year, the agency confirmed this week.

    Commissioner John Koskinen announced the bonuses in an email to employees on Monday, saying they were a way to reward long-suffering staffers who have put up with budget and workforce cuts and are still keeping the agency humming.

    Read more: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/nov/26/irs-awards-millions-in-bonuses-to-tax-delinquent-e/#ixzz3KLFnM0K9

    You just can’t make this stuff up!

  25. I got a request from Tricia for another song parody. Here it is …

    Form People — to the tune of “Goldfinger”

    Form People
    They’re the ones
    The ones with a vampire’s bite
    A scary sight
    Such a cold people
    Beckon you to enter their world of fines
    You must decline

    Bafflegab they will pour in your ear
    But their words can’t disguise what you fear
    For the clever ones know how bad this ends
    It’s the kiss of death to befriend
    Form People
    Clever ones, beware of their deeds untold
    Their hearts are cold

    Bafflegab they will pour in your ear
    But their words can’t disguise what you fear
    For the clever ones know how bad this ends
    It’s the kiss of death to befriend
    Form People
    Clever ones, beware of their deeds untold
    Their hearts are cold

    They love only forms
    Only forms
    They love forms
    They love only forms
    Only forms
    They love forms

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