Recent summit talks between the Finance Minister of Canada and the Commissioner of the IRS, to determine how to overcome incompatible tax systems, has resulted in a suggestion about how to revamp the United States and Canada tax treaty. The two parties propose to merge the Internal Revenue Service of the United States and the Canada Revenue Agency, on or before January 1, 2013. The proposal is subject to approval by Congress.
IRS Commissioner Douglas Shulman made the announcement in Washington over a hand shake with Minister Jim Flaherty. Shulman was the butt of immediate criticism for the proposal to move the headquarters of the newly amalgamated tax collection entity to Canada. “I don’t see a problem with it,” said Schulman, “The Canadians proposed Downsview Airport–Hell, they insisted. And what is more they are giving the land away for free, they plan to pay for the new buildings, and they will cover the salaries of 1,000 new special enforcement agents, who will be equipped with bullet proof-vests, assault rifles, and sidearms. Toronto’s central location will make the collection of taxes far easier than Washington DC which is located on the East Coast and thousands of miles from taxpayers in Alaska and Yukon. Moving to Toronto will move our enforcement abilities that much closer to all taxpayers.” Downsview is currently a military installation. Most Canadians do not think that Canada needs a military, and so Downsview Airport is really no longer serving any useful purpose.
Jim Flaherty, for his part, said that the government of Canada is mainly trying to create efficiencies. He pointed out that US expats in Canada had to file two returns with contradictory rules and tax breaks and in addition, all their Canadian bank accounts were treated as foreign accounts, concerning which the United States required the taxpayer to file a FBAR (Foreign Bank Account Report). Now, everyone in North America has to file only a single return to the new UNIRNASS (United National and Internal Revenue of North America Service Station) at Downsview. Furthermore, Canadian Americans can dispense with filing FBARs since all the banks in Canada will be reporting to UNIRNASS, and therefore all Canadian accounts would be henceforth treated as domestic according to the U.S. tax code.
Flaherty added that the proposal was similar to the HST, which amalgamates provincial sales tax with the federal GST, making for a more efficient collection system by eliminating all kinds of duplication. Now UNIRNASS will collect for two countries, creating the largest single tax region since the time of Genghis Khan.
Schulman seemed particularly pleased that the UNIRNASS at Downsview will come equipped with an enforcement wing, help lines for confused taxpayers not used to the new harmonized income taxes, and even a walk-in centre where people can hand over their money in person.
Fantastic. Now Canada can collect HST from an additional 300 million people. Let’s have a party!
Hilarious!
Now, Flaherty will fire Shulman and install a Canadian in his place. With this, we are assured of fairness, courtesy, respect and privacy. (Oops! Those are foreign words to IRS so sensitivity training is required).
Cute!
And, how will this affect the rest of the world?
What has been the reaction of the home landers to the HST? We must let them know if will shave decades off the repayment of debt. Do we also get to dismantle that Military Industrial Complex?
Thought I would try Reddit as another way to get the message out. Just created an account FBAR_Compliant and posted my first. Might start doing this more. I put this under the humor heading. (be sure to read the rules of each topic heading)
http://redd.it/qpi29
calgary411 said: “What has been the reaction of the home landers to the HST?”
They say they want to divorce Canada asap. 50% of them are used to not paying any taxes at all. Imagine that!
We’re going to dismantle the military industrial complex and give everybody free healthcare. We might have to give them all some free pot to help them become as mellow as we are naturally.
UNIRNASS sounds double kinky. Be very careful with that humor. Experience in another context has shown me that satire is almost impossible in today’s world. Even though Juvenal said:
Difficile est saturam non scribere
People will take almost anything as straight. Imagine some poor fool following the “advice” in this posting and looking to file a unified return and hand over cash to an office in Downsview. Sadly, this could happen.
Sounds like a first step towards World Govenment. Next step: Merge the US, Canada and Mexico into a single trilingual nation known as North America. No more customs or immigration checks when driving from Ciudad de Mexico to Anchorage. Halleleuja!
Hi Petros. Your lampoon story was so authentic I almost thought it was real. Please, when you do an HG Wells on us, would you please put a note in your post saying that it is a work of fiction because otherwise people could get confused. Ha Ha.
Wow, April 1st came really quickly this year, didn’t it?
Well played, Petros.
Merging US-Canada tax collection in Toronto? Diane Francis must be over the moon, as it brings us that much closer to fulfilling her thought experiment (brain fart) fantasy of unifying the two countries by the end of this century.