The President and the Heads of Treasury and the IRS have rounded up the usual lackeys: politicians, unions, astroturf groups, and the captive media in order to sell the FATCA bill to the public by an auctioneer and his crew. It’s about year 2008 or 2009. Some of the bidders and their bid numbers are listed here:
013 A Washington Newspaper,
015 A Treasury Accountant,
024 IJN: IRS Justice Network,
027 The Young Turd,
039 Senator Chuckie,
042 Union of One Hands Washing the Other,
051 Researchers R U.S.,
056 A New York Newspaper,
071 PTIIJ: Peeping Tom Institute for Intrusive Journalists,
124 Senator Levitating,
151 Senator Barbara Briefs
Auctioneer: “Folks, we’ve gathered you here to sell this here 2010 HR 2847 #FATCA legislation bill to the public. Now, this is going to be something of great perceived political value to all of you and your constituency. This is going to be tough bidding. We expect the numbers to go high, so dig deep in your pockets and give us the best number you can”
Auct: “I expect you to give me the number that you are going to tell your public about FATCA’s benefit to US coffers. Now this isn’t the number that it’s really worth in the budget. The number that you’re gonna bid is the number that you’re gonna tell to your public about FATCA’s worth”
Auct: “Remember: Value has no relation to real cost. What number are you going to tell your public? That’s what you’re bidding today. What is this FATCA bill gonna get you?”
Auct: “This FATCA bill is gonna get you re-elected. It’s gonna raise your opinion polls. You’re gonna get all the hits you’ve ever wanted. It’s gonna get you those big research grants you’ve been waiting for. It’s gonna make your little group of bookworms into global heroes. It’s gonna make that other party look like panderers. You’re gonna be the union boss. Your papers are gonna be so full of ads your paperboys are gonna need their mommies to drive ‘em around the neighborhood in a station wagon. It’s gonna sell ginzu knives even while you’re running FATCA infotext.”
Auct: “All’s you gotta do is shovel it out to the public and you’re gonna get back value.
Auctioneer: “We will only START the bid at the FATCA bill’s book value–the only number published by the Agency” “Do you understand?” Bidders “mmm, umm, ahhh”.
Auctioneer: “I said we are going to start the bidding at THE BILLS’ BOOK VALUE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Bidders: “YES!”
Assistant: “OK, THE FATCA BILL BIDDING STARTS AT ITS 115 MILLION DOLLAR BOOK VALUE. Can you get an opening bid? “
Auctioneer: “We need a bid at the bill’s book value. We’ve got somethin’ that you just gotta have. Hundred fifteen, hundred fifteen, hundred fifteen million dollars. Do we got a bid at the bills’ book value? Hundred fifteen, hundred fifteen million dollars—FATCA’s book value. 115, 115, 115. No more, no less, Hundred Fifteen Million Dollars for the opening bid.” Hunnert fifteen, hunnert fifteen, who’s got a hunnert fifteen?