Yes, the United States of America wants YOU to donate!
As of May 24, 2012 the US total debt stood at $15,719,144,405,320.76 and we’ve belatedly realized that this actually is a serious load that must be addressed.
Over the past few years it’s come to our attention that we’ve been seriously neglecting many people who could be donating and reducing the overall debt, which would reduce the load on the US citizens who live in our great country. We’ve thought long and hard on this and have come up with a solution to make it very easy for you to donate.
Just like our revered friend and supporter, Senator Charles Shumer, we know that anyone who has lived in the United States, who has a US parent, or was born in the US (and cruelly taken away to another country as a child) recognizes that the United States of America is the greatest country on earth and therefore wants to donate as much of their money as possible to the US government.
To reinforce our much reiterated point that there is no class warfare, we’re ensuring that it’s not just the extremely wealthy who can give generously to our cause, but also the middle-class and, yes, the working class, too!
As of May 24, 2012 the US total debt stood at $15,719,144,405,320.76. The estimated population of the United States is 313,616,370, so each citizen’s share of this debt is $50,122.20 (actually $50,122.20633, but we decided to be generous and forgive that extra cent).
With about 6 million people in prison who don’t make enough to actually pay taxes, the load increases for the law abiding citizens to $51,099.83 each. But, don’t despair, we’ve figured out a way to make that up and lower everyone’s debt load by almost $1000 each!
Coincidentally, there are about 6 million US persons, who, for nefarious (and probably tax evading) reasons of your own, choose not to live in the United States. We realized that if we made it easy for you, you would eagerly donate to our cause to reduce the debt load on those citizens who actually live on United States soil (as any US citizen rightfully should).
Since 99.9% of the world’s population want to be US citizens, we realized that by ignoring that anyone has ever given up US citizenship, we could bring you back as Americans! And with all of the obligations of US citizens, but none of the rights, saving us from having to run up the debt even more! (Since it’s publicly published, we have to admit that there are a few who have renounced, and we can’t legally claim them back, but those traitorous ingrates are a mere drop in the bucket, and they don’t really count.)
We found that by ignoring people’s citizenship in other countries, and by making new laws and applying them retroactively we have a surefire way to reduce the debt load on the patriotic Americans living on American soil!
Now, all people who have had any association with the US, other than visiting for a couple of weeks, can now file income taxes to the IRS on your worldwide income. Further, you can report on all of your assets and bank accounts, so we can track you, and make it easy to continue your donations for the rest of your life!
Of course, just filing your taxes won’t bring much to the coffers, since most of you pay higher taxes in the countries you reside in, however, we have created a voluntary disclosure program that simplifies matters for you and greatly increases the potential for donation. There are many choices, such as automatically donating 5% of all of your assets, or simply allowing the IRS to determine the level of donation for you, up to 27.5% of your assets. You can donate even more simply by telling us that you haven’t filed your taxes or bank account reports for years, so that you can donate up to 300% of your assets!
So a warm welcome back to all of you fellow US citizens with your retirement savings and your capital gains, and your disability savings funds and resulting penalties!
Contact the IRS today to start your donation process!
(Crossposted from www.outragedcanadian.ca)